To everyone who I ever learnt from...

Dhyaana moolam guror murtih;
Pooja moolam guror padam;
Mantra moolam guror vakyam;
Moksha moolam guror kripa

The joys and riches of the world may beckon
May reach out and call.
But the humility of mind and spirit
Tames the warrior
In his path so divine..
With thoughts of his learnings.
And lessons of his follies
he looks up ahead...
To actualise the real beyond what he sees
to share the space and the treasures of the gift
bestowed on him
By the one who guides him...
the one who carves him
the one who weaves life into him.
The one who dispels ignorance
The Guru.

Shubh Guru Poornima

Pranaams

City Girl....Country Girl ...Old Leak, Lincolnshire

There are some moments in life that I wish I could share with my entire universe...and there are many others that I would rather have the universe give them who belong to mine an opportunity to experience it by themselves. Camping in a Stationary Caravan in the middle of a field in the British countryside is one such experience that I hope comes your way.

It seemed surreal for such a long time to me...As I drove into the a small village called Old Leak...Clear, cool and free from the clutter , I am now beginning to fear my transformation into a simple countryside girl...enjoying the relaxed...peaceful...slow...and easy ways of village life.

As I write the wind blows across my face through my caravan window. I look around me. Dainty laced pink and grey silk curtains...a cute little English teapot filled with hot tea calling out to me. Magical lights illuminating the spaces around me with hues of orange and red. A platform that serves as the kitchen equipped with all that I need . Comfortable couches and a dining area with sofas. 2 Bedrooms with a double bed in one blue so soothing and a shade of lavender with two single beds in the other room . A bath area tucked in like the other rooms behind what first seemed to me like a wall cabinet. What fascinates me the most are the curtains...very british and "cute". My first thought was "awwwww...this is like a doll house".

A downpour outside...rain.. like this country has not seen in years...Floods but I am distant from them. Perched safely. Gazing into eternity. The sky turning grey narrating stories unheard and untold. Of pain and glory of what was once a clear blue sky. I wonder.

Can there be serenity in grey? Or is it just my eyes tempting me to conjure up that which the world would think of as a turmoil.

There seems to be peace in the melancholic nature of what I see around me. The beauty that I see outside is still. Silent. A story somewhere. My thoughts wander to the old pub in the small village whose only occupants are its owners and visitors who have seen not a world outside this little village for nearly a century. They have lived. Experienced. And are gathering moments so precious to their life.

From all my knowledge and conditioning..their lives seem to be pretty straightforward to me. Simple. Where are the complexities? I wonder.

Yet another cold breeze breathes new thought into my process. Well...I smile...

Is there a need to look for the complexities. The beauty probably lies in appreciating the simple.

The wind roars yet again. I look outside and feel the caravan shiver. My friend looks at me and sighs...Loss of sleep for the night I am guessing...out of fright? Or discomfort?

I am at home here. Yet again. Each time I travel I seem to be perfectly at home at these temporary sanctuaries. May dedicate it to my nomadic streak...or just comfortable feeling at peace with myself.

I know its going to be a long night...dark..mysterious.. with light on the other side. A new day with experiences new and different.

With people and stories that are real yet beyond my own understanding of the same.

There is poetry kindled somewhere within. I let it remain. Let it grow a little more.

There are stories whispered around me... I strain my ears to listen to the branched occupants of spaces outside me sway in a rhythm set by the messengers of the heaven blowing into them...cajoling them to create a dance Divine yet Dark.

I am curious. I want to go out. I want to join them. I pause.

Waiting for this trance to suspend for a while. For this abstraction to subside within me.

- Sharanya
-25^th June 2007
22:02

My Escapade

Its not everyday that a city girl gets to be pampered in the lap of nature...and the lap of luxury...together. that's exactly where I am. Sutton on sea...a beautiful serene village on the South east of England...Lincolnshire- the land of Jane austen.. Pride and Prejudice...

Long unwinding narrow lanes...sandwiched between the glorious never ending landscapes of the English Countryside. Horses and cyclists...no car in sight for miles together...i drive down...with Talvin Singh's Traveller playing in my car...

My heart smiles.

This is what my dreams were made of. Doing what I love doing...being places where no one's heard of...and travellling...Its the journey that makes me feel ecstatic. Taking off yesterday morning... a car...with an old tattered road map...Ian Brown...and Talvin Singh... Raag Hemant...Getting lost in the wilderness...in little posh villages of the English...with a mercedes parked in the drive way of their retirement or summer home.....with farmers loading and offloading their wagons of their petty nothings...of livestock in their backyard...and of this window in an exquisite...and gorgeous barn facing acres of green land...with horses grazing...

Life is unfolding right now this minute...Inspiration to write...to create and celebrate nature...and her creations...it all makes perfect sense to me now...where creativity comes from...where creativity is inspired from...Not just from the beauty of the wondrous sights without...but the calm within...The calm that is within me...now...

This is picture perfect....the thunder...the changing colours of the sky...the rain...and flashes from the heaven above. It seems so complete. The best time I have had with myself. I see me...and Her...in all Her glory...and with HER I feel complete...in unison...immersed...and more alive than ever before!

This barn...The perfect space for me to be...and enjoy everything that She has blessed me with. This life...this form...and this experience. As I write the music behind me compliments every mood that I am in. I am glad I am with me. I am glad that I am here. Now.

A cosy and spacious living room...is where I have perched myself on a couch near the window...my window...For the past 4 hours...I have sat here...in sheer amazement and delight ....

Yet another flash! The only other light is a small fireplace in one corner of the room..emitting some light. She is beautiful...and she makes me feel beautiful too...alive... in her embrace.

http://www.barnbreaks.co.uk/index.php?section=3&page=3

Pearl

Slow and poignant they appear..
One after the other...an expression of thought...feel..
A gesture of peace...love..
Quiet.
A minute or two later
Still.

They speak
In patterns of three
They sing
In an octave
Woven together the painting seems
Complete.
Free from colour
Remote

Thud!
The pearls from heaven
descend upon the barren earth
Wisdom and solace
come with them
Momentary
Their role
To captivate and send in exile
Thoughts...feelings..and actions
That seem real
Yet

Clouded with the mirages
Of being human
Tied and Convicted
with charges of being
True
The trickster fails
each time..

For can the freewill in
Us Humans be diluted he asks?
Can memoirs of an image be
carved he asks?
Can the duality we live in
be erased he asks.

Where can i find her?

She smiles
Patience and a calm surrender
To that which is beyond thought .
To live the roles...and not within
them...
She glides
To watch and act..
Yet not succumb and be trapped
Thats where the phoenix lies.
Head not to the peaks..
or dive and swim the oceans
Plunge within.

The pearls fade...



I dedicate the above poem to Linda...for being here with me...through this journey..I love you my white fairy!

Eight things you would never know about me

1. I would have never done this...if not for Ree who cajoled me into doing so..by teaching me the very important chapter of my blogging life...How to use page elements and tag?? hehehe..

2. As talkative and extroverted as I seem to the world...i live in an inner world which very few have access to...

3. I hate sleep...I can do without sleep for days....unless you play a movie when I am perched on a comfortable bed surrounded by my favourite cushions..I drift into sleep within the first 6 minutes of the film.

4. I have been living in with 2 men for the past 10 months of my life in what i fondly call the Pink Dungeon. HumHum Diego...and Rowdy Raghu Romeo.. the only two 'men' who are patient and tolerant enough to put up with me...and can share me between them...I gifted them to myself...Pity they are stuffed...and aren't what is usually called alive..

.

5. As much as i love travelling...I love staying indoors in my room...and being with myself...staring out of my window...and listening to old recordings of my grandmother telling stories to me each night...

6. My ambitions lie in my love for power. Power to influence...Power to change..and Power to create an impact.

7. I love the stage...but love it even more when there is no audience...I love being on stage...with absolutely no one else to perform for...except myself...that perhaps when i love it the most!

8. I am the biggest scatterbrain you will ever meet. One minute I have something precious to my existence that i want to cherish for life...and exactly a few minutes later you can find me turning my entire world upside down looking for it...as i cant remember where i last left it.... I am the number one source of amusement and entertainment for people who I live with in leeds!!!


Phew...Now that thats done...I hope a few of you are ahem ahem 'inspired' to do the same...!!!

Fire and music

Fire

Trapped between them.

In their sheer passion

Heat that was inexplicable

The checkered paths

Full of ambiguous surrenders

And victims they were

To what seemed like a never ending bonanza of life

Was there poetry in grief?

They wondered

Was there rhythm in disbelief

They walked.

Was there a craft in design?

They created.

Surreal and blue

Like a sky tinged with ginger and lemon

Beautiful and difficult

To learn and conceive

They stood their ground

Effortless and patient

Till the turn of the century

Waited

For them to be liberated

In love..through music

Divine and pure.

For them

It never happened

It ended

Abruptly yet in harmony.

Its amazing how it takes just one blog entry to make such a difference to the way I have started looking at my own sense of articulation. Its liberating. What i once thought would be confining suddenly seems to be exciting...well if I must be cynical at my own sense of feeling overwhelmed at my ability to start articulating on a public forum- Well then This is yet another phase.

We all go through our sporadic share of events...feelings...expressions...and experiences. Things that make us yelp in joy...and succumb to temptation. Suffer with pain...and shrug with helplessness. For someone who is better with the spoken word....the written medium is a new discovery for me. I realise with each alphabet that i inscribe on this virtual space which is my own...that It is not a herculean task for me to translate my spoken word into a written form.



Blogging as an idea for too long I thought was an intrusion into my mind space. I believed that it would give away too much of who I am. But in retrospect...this can probably be ideal for me to look at my own self from a distance...detached..

And this is what I hope shall inspire me further to articulate.

The Taxi Ride

Do you want to work for a company that’s going places.???

Well....thats what a partially hidden ad reads right in front of me as I sit on my northern service to Leeds from Sheffield..

I certainly would want to work in company of people who are and will go places. Both Literally and figuratively.

Its amazing how someone in a span of exactly 6 minutes of conversation time can share their entire life story with you.

I got out of my long day of workshops at a school in Chapel town near Sheffield. Time is 15:09. My taxi had been waiting for me. I hopped in. And as usual I glanced over to see my driver. Greeted him and politely confirmed going to Sheffield station.

The journey began. I sat quietly behind...reflecting on my day’s work. The ruggedly handsome face looked back at me once to check if I was ok and got back to whistling a random tune. The radio boomed as the jockey discussed Britains favourite topic. The weather. He was sharing his glorious escapade into the midlands on what had been the best weekend the country had seen in months. Sunny...warm and perfect to experiment...dine..wine and apparently dress up like Fred Flintstone and go to a pub in the countryside.

The taxi driver picked up his phone...put it on speaker...and gave me the first glimpse into his life....

Him: Aye! Is she around?

The male voice on the other side ( sounding extremely bored)- Yea...hang in there...

Him: Cool

A gruff female voice answers: You orite?

Him: Well..yea...am coming over in a bit with the dog. Going to see it right away. Is Ken around?

The voice on the other end: No he is out right now.

Him: the dog is for you...you get it...its not for him...they say the pup is some 6 months old and needs love.

Her: Well...yea I need the pup too...i need all the love that I can get for now

Him: I know you do (very unromantically). I will see you in a bit.

He hangs up...and then waits for a few seconds. Traffic Jam

Him: See where we’ve landed b’cos of you

I smile in response. And after a long pause and examining the condition of the traffic I replied, “ Well, this is the worst that I have seen yet.”

Him: So you Indian or South American?

Me: Indian...mumbai

Him: Mumbai..Bombay...Shantaram...Ambedkar...

And then whistles again...

I am surprised at him dropping the last two names. But I didn’t converse further. I just waited

Him: So have you had a good day? Are you staying here in the UK

Me: Yes in Leeds...

Him: Are you married....err...engaged...errr..taken?

Me( Highly amused): None. Doing my Masters

Him: Oh so you are gonna be The Master soon...like a Jedi Master...he is The only master

I just laughed casually

Him: So how many languages do you speak

Me: English...Hindi...a couple of other Indian languages...attempted French...attempting Spanish

Him: Spanish..

He quickly.mumbles a few sentences in Spanish...almost waiting for me to respond. But thankfully for me ...my phone rang and it kept me busy for the next few odd minutes

Him: Busy girl

Me: Who...me...well...no...hehe...yea...I like keeping myself this way

Him: I think you should save up some money and come and stay in beautiful Sheffield.

Me: I am not sure of living in this country for too long.

Somewhere this is when I was curios enough to take the conversation further. So I asked him ,” Where are you from”

Him : Australia, New Zealand, Austria, Spain, America.

I just waited for him to explain

Him: I come from all these places. Parents live in Sheffield. Ancestors are Romanian and Italian. Some 500 years ago they belonged there.

Me: and you...where do you belong ?

Him: For now...right here... Do you like Fish and Chips?

Me: I am vegetarian

Him( almost excitedly) : So am I. For 21 years.

I thought to myself...that was almost as old as I was...I put my poor mathematical ability to use. He didn’t look or sound that old.

Me: So why travel this extensively

Him: Well to Live my life not exist like a cabbage

And that statement did it for me. I was intrigued beyond what I has initially been

Me: What inspires you?

Him: Architecture... Nietsche.. You have a name don’t you

Me: Sharanya

Him: Ahh a Sanctuary...

Me: Whats yours?

Him: Craig..comes from a scottish word 'crag' which means a rock.....

I was quite amazed...and just let him ramble on about Nietzche for the next few minutes

Him: So why do you need a Masters.

Surprisingly at that moment...I just blurted out. “ I don’t know”.

In retrospect I realize that for the first time in the last ten months I had let all my confident statements that guarded me in a wall of pride with respect to my education down. It was right there...

That one question...and my only answer.

I had to change the subject...

Me: So what’s your favourite country

He had sensed the awkwardness in me...and I saw his lips curl into half a smile...

Him: The one that I haven’t been to yet

Another bolt of amazement...and he went up three more notches in my curiosity ladder

Him: But I can tell you which one I Hated the most

I waited in anticipation of the answer. A list of all the possible countries ran through my mind

Him: America.

America!

Him: Well the country is full of cabbages. Non thinkers...and he rambled into a lot of nothings and somethings that I didn’t quite follow. They are all brain dead..

Well. I had nothing to say to that. The extremely articulate person in me...had nothing at all to say to this man...who had spoken everything from philosophy...to politics..and interestingly made perfect sense in everything he had said to me...

We reached the station. I was tempted to get his number...talk more...get to know this man better. “ I am a journalist. You have loads of stories to share.”

“ We all do..dont we”.

There it was...my own words...my own thoughts...resonanting and echoing from him...From he who had had the education more precious than any number of masters ...that of experience...and that of choice...

Me: “Do you email?”

Him: Why email when I can talk...but then who am I to say what’s right and wrong...nothing is either right or wrong...its just an opinion.

This is when I decided to hold onto my thoughts which were racing...trying hard to make a point make sense of something...To try and use all the intellect...depth and all that jazz which I had for so long believed made me who I was My “streetsmartness”.

I said nothing.

It was time for me to go. I got off the car and looked through the front seat window to pay him the money.

Him: Here is something at you. I think that’s why I am single.

And almost impulsively I replied saying, “ You choose to think...you choose to be single”

He laughed and said, “ Deep...think you should save that. Alvida”

And just like that it was over. I had reached my destination to set out on another journey. Our paths had crossed and we left our own ways.

If not work. I did learn in company of him who had gone places...and will continue to do so.

Alvida .

Squirmming back again

So i wonder yet again..why am i so inconsistent with this entire blogging routine...what is it that doesn't motivate me enough...

This seems like an ideal platform for me to voice my thougts...share and discuss them...and even create an audience for all the randomness that is in me...

So here it ...yet another time...that i start writing again...about things..and things...and more things..

Only wonder for how long can i sustain it this time around...

:P

A note to me on myself...

Very often in my life i tend to get so warped in my own struggles that i fail to see beyond me....open the windows of my world to the outside...peek outside and get astounded by what i see...

For a lot of times i get caught in my own "uniqueness" that i forget to visit the commonality and simplicity in life..

Here I am sitting Miles away from my life as i had known it for 21 years...in a new environment...amidst new people...living my life...

what is unique about this experience is that i am looking out a lot more now..watching things as they unfold in front of my eyes...as i grow with each passing day..

One important things that has come to me so strongly in the last one month of my stay in the UK is that...

EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO SHARE..

Every single person walking down the street...who is just a part of the rest...has something special about life...their experiences so diverse and unique to their life...their perspectives so special and exclusive to their world....

The more i meet people from all nationalities..race...age and colour...the more i am intrigued by human emotions and the way our systems operate...

The way we love...cry..despise...fail...succeed...yet grow with each new sunrise..

Somewhere lost between all of this new explosion of wavelengths and perspectives....i find me...i understand who i am...and growing more into my own person...

with my own stories to share...i travel this journey...this experience..

Tatwamasi

Wind is gaseous,
And Inspires music
Fire so furious,
But creates a calm within
Sky is the zenith,
Widens the horizon
Earth is solid,
Like the Mother who gives birth
Water is colourless,
Baptisizes the new born
They all tend to move in the same light
In Unification...
So diverse ...Yet..
The five together culminate into One
In You....In Me


Tatwamasi

Connecting with Nature

I come from a land which is considered to be Gods own abode- Kerala..

What makes this space special to me is my ability to transcend out of myself for those few rare moments and experience and take in so much more of what is around me...

to me experiencing deeply happens only when i am able to let go off every other emotion that may occupy my mindspace...

Kerala has the most serene expanse of inland water bodies...and water in kerala occupies an extremely pivotal part in the lives of one and all....

it purifies...it engages...it liberates...

It is worshipped...and it helps worship too...

To me...my connect with mother Nature has always been intimate and personal...she teaches me the importance of feeling a tiny insignificant part of the whole...when in an age and time we get carried away with our intellect and our ability to control and command...she commands and controls even that....and its only when i am in her lap...right in the middle of either a road trip...or a long walk...that i experience completely the joys of belonging to suhc a greater system....a system that is not based on caste...creed colour or form...a system which is based purely on symbiosis....on interdependence.....

To me its these moments when i always feel complete for that split second...look around at the beauty around me and go within to understand the beauty within too...breathtaking...and exquisite....

Mother nature has always caressed and nurtured my growth...be it in the beauty of the barren desert land which may seem empty ....but it me is actually hope...or the dense forests...where human entry is impossible....it appears to me like she has her own protocols..and still somewhere decides how much we as "intellectually superior" races can gorge into her....

I love travelling...and with each of my road trips and adventures ...the only thing that stays with me...more vividly than people and conversations...are these images of life..these moments of sheer bliss where i connect...where i experience...and where i feel small...yet important....

The spirit of my randomness says "AY!"

Ok...so i start a blog and know not what to do with it...i am falling terribly short of ideas....

I often sit and wonder...what do people write about...

their life...their neighbours life..
about the aunty whose dog ran away with the moon or was it the cow or the cat???
sigh never mind...

so i can write about my madness and randomness but that can scare you...

like it scared a friend this morning when i told him about my extensive plans of living like a native tribal for a year...with very little money..venture out of home....experiment with the native lifestyles...customs...and traditions...and maybe also fall in love...learn the native language ...ok.. i mixed the sequence of events....

but wont that be fun...fallin in love with someone whose language you know not...and the only means of communication and expression is love....

So without drifting the patent Sharanya Drift...i continue with my randomness....i would love to live that life...hehe...not just live with a native zulu...hulu..titsu....or any of the other exotic sounding tribes across the globe....but experience life with them...

Even the thought makes me smile...to be able to travel...not just across cultures...but back in time....live the non- civilised life... the native life...let the heart wander into forests and jungles...barren lands and farms...

I come from aschool of thought where i strongly believe that i need not money to travel...i need not only money to explore...i need the soul..and the calling....

so i usually either find my calling into my randomness..or create it....

Yet another first...!!!

I always recount beginnings as interesting episodes...

like the first time I went to school was actually an extremely hilarious incident where i thought at the end of the day i would never have had to go back home...in retrospect it could have probably seemed to me then like a boot camp for life...so when my mum came to pick me up...when all the other kids where ecstatic to see their parents back...i sulked on my way back home....

like the first time I travelled as unaccompanied minor in one of the air-carriers in India, i fell in love with the cockpit when i was taken on a "guided tour" by the pretty "aunty" and refused to leave it....untill my aunt and uncle had to be called in to cajole me out of that space...promising me that I would own a cockpit for myself one day soon...

Or the first time my mum came with my new born baby brother home...after having been the centre of my family's universe for three whole years...Yes i remember being overjoyed at his birth...I tried stuffing myself into his crib...while my mum strongly held on to her new born and laughed to her hearts content..

Memories and Moments of simple and ordinary yet special things is what this first virtual space of mine is probably going to consist of...

Yes...we all love stories...we are all full of them...so am i...and i love sharing them too...

simple stories from my everyday life...is what this is going to consist of...